Friday, June 26, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Police said the man had a history of sleepwalking and ignored his girlfriend's repeated efforts to wake him up. He pushed her out of the way as he walked toward the kitchen, and she reportedly became scared that he might hit her.
Police said she grabbed a knife and held it up as he approached. He sustained injuries that are believed to be non-life threatening.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Police Sgt. Mark Lykken said 26-year-old Justin Krohmer and his mother, Susan, whose husband is the Ada, Minn., police chief, were jailed on charges of disorderly conduct and resisting or obstructing an officer.
Lykken said Justin Krohmer was asked to leave the Fargodome about 11 p.m. Saturday after vomiting on people in front of him, but he refused to do so. Lykken said 47-year-old Susan Krohmer pushed police officers.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
It also prohibits exposed underwear, clothing with foul language, “sexually provocative” clothes and piercings anywhere except the ears.
Repeat offenders can be fired.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Washington Mutual Bank its parent company, JP Morgan Chase & Co., are facing a lawsuit from mortgage borrowers claiming the banks improperly reduced or suspended home equity lines of credit... MORE
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Medawar told Rohrabacher about his newly established production company, ‘Steeple Entertainment’, which would be producing a television show called ‘DHS’, a dramatic action-adventure series based on the Department of Homeland Security. Medawar showed Rohrabacher the DHS promotional trailer and offered to produce ‘Baja ‘under the Steeple name. Rohrabacher thought this was a great idea and accepted $23,000 for the screenplay.
Rohrabacher also expressed interest in Medawar’s DHS series and began introducing Medawar to many influential figures in Washington.What Rohrabacher and his associates did not realize was that Medawar would use these connections to present an air of legitimacy to dozens of investors for his DHS series. Over the next two years, Medawar would use the real DHS seal without permission and fraudulently claim that President George W Bush endorsed the series.
Medawar raked in more than $3 million from more than fifty investors to fund his lavish lifestyle. Behind the scenes, it was all a fraud and Medawar would not produce any DHS shows or sell the series to a television network. When the FBI and IRS caught on, Medawar’s con game ground to a screeching halt, leaving a trail of bankruptcy and distress in his wake.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Yummy, a toilet themed restaurant where you can eat a desert called “bloody poop” (strawberry sundae) and other disgustingly named foods.
I'm surprised they don't have little rolls of toilet paper by each seat instead of napkins. Now, that's the kind of restuarant you want to visit. Maybe once. And maybe not.
I wonder what other items they have on the menu? Can you think of any names for them? If you're the disgustingly creative type, leave a comment with your menu suggestions. We'll all love reading them.
In a follow up interview with the owner, Sum Yung Guy, he said that if the restaurent wasn't successful he was seriously considering suing Al Gore for inventing the toilet.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
"When it hit me it knocked me flying and then was still going fast enough to bury itself into the road," Gerrit Blank said in a newspaper account. Astronomers have analyzed the object and conclude it was indeed a natural object from space, The Telegraph reports.
Most meteors vaporize in the atmosphere, creating "shooting stars," and never reach the ground. The few that do are typically made mostly of metals. Stony space rocks, even if they are big as a car, will usually break apart or explode as they crash through the atmosphere.
There are a handful of reports of homes and cars being struck by meteorites, and many cases of space rocks streaking to the surface and being found later. But human strikes are rare. There are no known instances of humans being killed by space rocks.
Blank's attorney indicated that Gerrit was seriously considering suing Al Gore for inventing outer space.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
New research published in Britain has shown that even winning a small lottery or receiving an inheritance can produce contentment in average people. Professors Andrew Oswald and Jonathan Gardner of Warwick University in central England tracked 9,000 families over the past decade to study whether there was a link between cash windfalls and contentment.
"We find a very strong link between cash falling on you and higher contentment and better mental health in the following year," said Oswald.
None of the 9,000 families indicated they were considering suing Al Gore for anything related to the lottery or inheritance laws.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
"It looked like a boomerang," stated Les Holcomb, an apple grower in the valley. "I went outside on the patio about midnight to have a glass of my apple juice, and there it was. If I hadn't looked up, I never would have spotted it. It wasn't making any sound at all, although I seemed to detect a very low humming, like a generator, but it sounded like it was playing the beginning of Stand By Me by Ben E. King."
Barb Vulcanowski, a local elementary school teacher and another resident in the area, told reporters that a similar craft was hovering over her back yard at about the same time. "I went outside to smoke and this bright beam of light came down from above and surrounded me. The next thing I knew, I was inside a strange metallic-walled room with things that looked like big screen televisions all around. The room was circular, and it was dark inside. There was a metal table in the center of the room, round, and a platter with watermelon chunks on it and a little bowl of metal toothpicks. I ate some of the watermelon while waiting. It was very good but it didn't really taste like watermelon. More of a plastic taste."
Vulcanowski went on to relate a bizarre tale about three strange creatures who entered the room a few minutes later and began speaking to her in a high-pitched, beeping sound. "I had no idea what they were saying, but there was one word I did recognize. WalMart. They said that a lot. They also mentioned Michelle Obama, and they would always smile at each other and roll their eyes and make a giggling sound when they mentioned her."
After an hour or so, Vulcanowski states, she was taken to a big, cylindrical, metal chute and told to lie down and slide into it. When she did, a needle was plunged into her forehead. The next thing she recalls is finding herself lying on her patio, with her shoes on the wrong feet. "It's all very strange, but it wasn't bad, from what I can remember. They seemed pretty nice."
Vulcanowski added that the alien creatures had mentioned something about suing Al Gore for inventing the telescope.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Designed in the late 1960s by Fort Atkinson, Wisconsin architect Helmut Ajango for local turkey farmer Clarence Hartwig and opened in 1967, The Gobbler Supper Club (later renamed the Round Stone Restaurant) was styled to resemble a turkey's head when viewed from overhead.
The menu featured turkey, as well as prime rib and steak. A rotating circular bar that completed one revolution every eighty minutes was a signature centerpiece of the building. After the original owner died in 1979, the building passed through several incarnations, including a roadside diner; the last tenant went out of business in mid-2002.
Hartwig's poultry plant was located just south of the supper club and closed in 1971 after Hartwig announced that it was too costly to upgrade the plant to meet new USDA standards. At the time the plant was the largest employer in Johnson Creek, employing up to 300 workers and processing 30 million pounds of poultry a year. Hartwig's other ventures, the Gobbler supper club, the Cackle Shack restaurant and Gobbler motel remained open.
In 1974, a Hearing Examiner of the State Equal Rights Division ruled that the restaurant violated the rights of two women by firing them for refusing to wear uniforms that were different from the uniform of male employees. Male waiter and bartenders wore tuxedos while female waitresses were required to wear "black briefs, fishnet stockings and V-necked hunting jackets." At the time, The Capital Times believed it to be the first ruling to find "sex discrimination on the basis of uniforms."
In June 2008, the Frank Lloyd Wright Wisconsin Tourism Program hosted "The Gobbler Gala" at the restaurant. The dinner featured talks by Gobbler architect Ajango and Wright historian Sidney Robinson. Our research indicates that Al Gore did not attend the event.
After some investigation it appears that it's not a photo of the Missouri family after all. As unlikely as it may seem, it turns out that the photo in the Czech billboard is actually a Czechoslovakian family. "It's the Doppleganger effect," stated Boston geneticist Harvey Bakelowski. "We see this quite often, actually. There are only so many DNA combinations possible. It's a large sampling, but it's destined that two will come up identical occasionally. The same thing happened with Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana recently. They look identical."
The Missouri family is seriously considering Al Gore for inventing DNA.
On his way home, Cupid got off his flight path and ended up trying to violate one of Newton's Laws — the one that states two objects can't occupy the same space at the same time.
"I don't know what happened," Cupid told the officer as the EMT crew administered first aid after he crashed into the Board of Trade Building in downtown Kansas City. "I was heading for Russell Stover headquarters to pick up a few boxes of dark chocolates, when the building just seemed to come out of nowhere. The next thing I knew, I had crashed."
After the EMT's got him stabilized, he was rushed to St. Luke's Hospital and put in ICU for a short duration. Two cracked ribs and a few facial lacerations was the extent of the damage. However, he was charged with FUI (flying under the influence) and released on probation to remain in the hospital until the damage repairs itself.
Cupid is expected to be released from the hospital this weekend and will return to his home in Nirvana to get ready for the Valentine's Day holiday in a few months. In a follow up interview, Cupid said he was seriously considering suing Al Gore for inventing skyscrapers.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
In a recent interview shortly after his sex reassignment, Potter admitted, "I was always jealous of Margaret Houlihan. She was beautiful and sexy, and that's what I wanted to be. But the decision wasn't an easy one. When you consider having parts of your body removed, especially parts that you've become quite fond of and familiar with over a lifetime, it's a bit sobering. But I weighed the advantages, and I opted for the change. I haven't regretted it one iota."
But it's a long process, and Potter says he still has a lot of electrolysis session scheduled to take care of the facial and body hair that just "isn't feminine" in his opinion.
In addition to the gender reassignment, Potter has given up acting and gone through nurse's training in order to do the work he has always longed to perform. "The only downside, so far," Potter concluded, "is that my horses don't recognize me. It's going to require a little patience as we all get to know each other again, but they're starting to come around and accept the new me."
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
After the introduction by the emcee, and the "entrance music," at which time Paris was supposed to walk on stage, she failed to appear. After an awkward pause and a second try, the result was the same. No Paris. A stagehand was sent backstage to determine the cause for her absence and rush her to the stage. After what seemed an interminable amount of time the stagehand sheepishly appeared on stage and motioned to the emcee, who was attempting to entertain the crowd by making balloon animals. The stagehand explained to the emcee that he had found Paris backstage, terribly entangled in the mic cord.
"I had been practicing my turns and spins, like I was supposed to," Paris said as the stagehands worked feverishly to free her from her bonds. "Ozzie told me to keep practicing until I heard the music, and then I was supposed to come out. But when I heard the music and tried walking toward the stage, my feet weren't able to walk because they were all tangled up. And I couldn't get dressed like that. And I couldn't walk out naked. Well, I could, I guess, but I couldn't get untangled. Plus, I was chewing gum at the time so I probably couldn't have walked out there anyway. Show business is so hard."
There was no shortage of help. When the stagehands rushed to her rescue, they spent considerable time — much more than required actually — to free her from the mic cord. "It took about ten of us to finally get her loosened up," said Juan Valdez, previously employed by a Columbian coffee manufacturer but recently laid off due to an issue involving his burro and a young lady in Tijuana. "Paco was in the parking lot. If he had been with me he could have chewed through the cord in no time. He has very good teeth. It would have been much quicker." Paco is Juan's burrow.
After the stagehands finally managed to get her untangled Paris arrived on stage to a standing ovation. But the enthusiasm of the crowd waned as she gave a pitiful, pitchy rendition of the forties blues song, "Wang Dang Doodle." Afterwards, she apologized. Not for the singing, but for her late entrance, and she promised to give each member of the audience $725 to make up for their wait. Promoters indicated to this reporter that future shows with Paris would require a cordless mic.
In an "off-the-record" interview, Paris stated that she is seriously considering suing Al Gore for inventing the microphone and not including instructions.
And secondly, what about the person who has that job? I'm talking about the needle pusher. Are they a regular employee with a cubicle and a computer and a desk and a stapler and paper clips? Or are they on call as needed? If they're a regular salaried employee, we're certainly wasting a lot of taxpayer dollars funding that position. And if that's the case, what the heck do they do the rest of the time when they're not giving lethal injections. That can't take up their whole day. Can it? Certainly not. In fact, between 1977 and 1982 there were a total of 59 death sentences carried out by lethal injection in the United States. That's an average of one per month. And that wouldn't really qualify as a full-time job requiring a lot of multi-tasking.
In fact, we could save a lot of money if we just had the person do the injection themselves. But maybe that would cause some issues with their insurance company if they didn't cover suicide. And speaking of insurance, do the insurance companies have a clause in there policies for that situation? What if you have a really large insurance policy and then you get convicted and sentenced to death? Does the carrier still pay the beneficiary? Hmm. I wonder these things. What do you think?
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The photo in the header is me. My name is Alexander. I was previously employed by the CIA as an undercover agent. But that's another story for the future. Meanwhile, in the posts to come I will try to refrain from adding personal opinion (yeah, right, like that's gonna happen) and give you only the true facts, as I know them, or as I've heard them, or as I think they really should be to make the story better and more exciting. So enjoy the reading, since you've obviously got nothing better to do.
Come back tomorrow because that's when the whole thing begins. And in case you're wondering, yes, you can leave comments if you'd like. There's a comment linky thing right below here. So you can click on it and add whatever you wish: your opinion, thoughts, ideas, bank account number, whatever. Actually, I don't give a shit what you have to say, but go ahead and say something if you feel like it. Nobody really cares what you think anyway. Haven't you figured that out yet?
I have to go eat some chocolate cream pie now. I bet you wish you had some, don't you? So I'll see ya tomorrow.